Aftermath Trilogy
by lenfaz
Summary: Nathan and Haley. Trilogy of them dealing with the marriage
1. Aftermath

I wrote this for the Fanfiction Exchange at The Writer's Corner and I thought I could share it with you. It's not our average Nathan/Haley, but I'm working on a sequel for it. The idea is to make it a trilogy, this being the first part of it.

All comments are welcomed.

Challenge:

Include: N/H, victim of the crime by Phoenix, angst, kissing in the rain, lust

Exclude: fluffy Nathan nor Haley, cheating, pregnancy, character deaths, out of character behavior.

Asked by: Janet

Author: Lena

Rated: R

Disclaimer: I own a bow and a dozen of arrows. Does that count for something?

Thanks to my beloved beta, Raven.

Aftermath

The night closed around the long river that crosses Tree Hill and the dark figure moved among the shadows like a cat moves when it's about to hunt a prey. The slow movement of his legs and arms, the posture of his back, the constant piercing stare to the front… Nathan Scott was a shadow. And he had been one for a while now.

His fingers played with his wedding ring, as he often did so lately. A constant tic: playing with the small, light gold band that weighted so much in his hand. The circle that was trapping him on the inside.

He hadn't always felt like that. At the beginning he was very happy with his married life and his wife. Haley had been everything he ever wanted, and his desire to be with her and protect had overcome all the obstacles that had been laid upon them. Now he had had his Haley, and she had had him.

But somewhere down the line, the past years had blurred those feelings into an intoxicating routine that was suffocating him. Every day was the same as the previous, and his life had become a parade of automatic moves and replies. The same words, gestures, caresses. The same way to make love, to touch her, of her touching him. He was trapped living the same day, over and over.

_Lost illusions, try the best that you can do_

_You might get another chance_

But he felt that there was no other chance.

Nathan entered his apartment and the burden of routine weighed down on him once again. He went to the fridge and grabbed a beer, opened it and sat on the couch to watch some TV. Haley would be there in a moment, arriving tired from work, complaining about her job, about their lack of money, about the rashness of their previous decisions, about her need of to be wanted and loved.

Nathan heard the key on the lock of the door and closed his eyes, sighing. It was about to start one more time…

"Hey…" said Haley between tired and annoyed at the usual sight of Nathan doing absolutely nothing in the couch of their apartment. "Is there any dinner?" she asked, although she knew the answer of that

"Some leftovers of yesterday's Chinese" was Nathan's answer while he flipped the channels in the TV and decided to watch some old basketball games.

Haley sighed and went to heat the food. She noticed that the kitchen needed to be cleaned, the floors needed to be swept, the laundry needed to be done. She sighed sadly one more time. Some days she was so tired she did not have the energy to do all that. She did not have the energy to work, cook, clean, do the laundry and also be a tigress in bed. By the time she'd finish with all her daily burden, all she wanted to do was to collapse in bed and sleep as much as she could.

But Nathan could not understand that. He did not say a word, but Haley could see the disappointed stare in his eyes every time they made love. She could see that he was not satisfied, that he was losing interest.

Haley poured the leftovers in two plates and set the table. "Dinner's up" she called to Nathan "If you can call this dinner" she finished.

Nathan got up and went to the table "Well, you could've cooked" he murmured

"So could you" she added, with a little anger in her voice

"Hales, I work all day" he stated

"So do I" she spat "and then I come home and I clean, I cook, I study..."

"Yeah, you do" he replied tired "wonder woman" he said under his voice but Haley heard him

"What is that supposed to mean, Nathan?" she yelled "I try my best and all I get is that disappointed look in your face and those snarky comments. Nothing is ever enough for you"

"No, Hales, nothing is ever enough for you" he replied "nothing I ever do is enough for you. I don't bring enough money, I don't help enough. I don't do anything right these days…" he looked at her deeply "What happened to us? We used to have fun, we used to enjoy each other. We used to really be together. Now is just this… routine. Nothing is exciting anymore"

"You mean I'm not exciting anymore" she replied "You think I did not realize how you much you don't enjoy it… us" she finished. The sadness in her eyes reached Nathan deep inside

"It's not like that" he started softly "It's just that you don't even seem interested anymore…" he tried to explain but Haley was too tired and angry to let him

"Interested? Nathan, I have a thousand things going on in my life! Excuse me if my attempts to pay the bills interfere with your want of having a sexbomb in the bedroom, anytime you want it. Maybe if you'd help around a little more I might be more in the mood?" there was condescendence in her voice and that made Nathan angry.

"In the mood for what? The same old moves, the same old story. We're young, Haley and we already behave like an old…"

The end of that sentence struck both of them

"Married couple…" she finished for him "That is what we are, Nathan"

_I lost the evidence. I'm running out of clues_

_That much I would have sacrificed_

"I know" he went on "but I never thought you'd run out of it so soon"

Haley's eyes filled with tears "So the blame is on me, all on me, huh? Did you ever stop to think that maybe you're the one that is not motivating me?"

Haley moved towards Nathan, her heart broken, the burden of all their lives finally taking the best of her and she started to punch Nathan's chest with her fist, while her sobs went higher and higher "How dare you blame it on me? How dare you?"

Nathan tried to calm her, but Haley was beyond calm, her fists kept hitting Nathan's chest. He finally grabbed her wrists and she looked at him, her face filled with tears.

Something clicked on them as Nathan crashed his lips on Haley's and she held him tight, her nails sinking in his back, all her anger and frustration turned into lust for him at that moment.

_And you're the victim of the crime_

The sound of rain pouring on the outside woke Haley up the next morning and she contemplated the other side of the bed empty. She sighed and got up, her body showing the marks of the night before.

As she entered the kitchen, she noticed the suitcase next to the front door. Nathan was sitting in the table, silently sipping his coffee.

"What is this?" asked Haley with a trembling voice.

He looked at her with his clear blue eyes filled with pain and regret "I have to leave, Haley. We can't go on like this. I have to leave now, and retain a small hope of changing and being together in the future. If I stay, we're gonna break apart and we're gonna destroy each other"

"So you're just going to quit?" she asked, angry and disappointed.

"No, I'm going to try to be something better so we could have a future together one day. But right now, I'm not good enough for you, for us, and it's killing you and me in the process…"

Haley could not understand, she did not want to.

"Fine…" she said "Just leave then"

Nathan tried to hug her, but she refused. He left sighing, almost crying. Haley stood there and her eyes focused on their wedding picture. She realized she could not let him leave like that. She ran outside and yelled his name. Nathan turned around as Haley ran towards him, both getting wet by the rain falling, and she jumped into his arms and kissed him eagerly.

"Try to come back to me" she whispered in his ear "I love you"

"I love you" he said before turning around and leaving, while Haley stood there, watching him leave.

_Lately, I'm not expecting you_

_Please forgive me for the stuff I didn't do._

_1397 words._


	2. Better Man

Fic name: Better Man

Author: Lena

Rated: R

Background: Sequel to Aftermath.

Thanks to Raven, my beloved beta.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything OTH related nor the song "Better Man" by Robbie Williams. In fact, all I have in my hands right now is pain wrists and unfinished work

To Paulina: Happy Birthday. I hope you take this poor fic as a delayed gift.

As the night ran its course, Nathan Scott slowly made his way back home. Except it was not _home_, it was just a crappy apartment he used for sleeping, showering and eating. Nothing else. Home was something he had not had in years. Home was the one place where those chocolate brown eyes were.

He had no idea where that was anymore.

_Send someone to love me  
I need to rest in arms  
Keep me safe from harm  
In pouring rain_

He had loved her. He still did. Yet, he was not enough for her. He wasn't before, he wasn't still. He was not the person that could give her the things she deserved.

His love was not enough. He was so sure of that simple thing that he had vanished from her life, hoping that one day he would be enough.

_Give me endless summer  
Lord I fear the cold  
Feel I'm getting old  
Before my time_

The cold of the night reached in his bones deeply and he closed his old, raggedy coat tighter around him as he walked slowly. His body was exhausted due to long hours of hard work. When he wasn't at work, it was school and then it was studying until his eyes were no longer able to see anything but a blurry mass of lines in the books.

But he had to go on. Somehow he had to endure the almost self inflicted pain and burden of his current existence. It was the only way to overcome his self and be the one that was worthy enough

_As my soul heals the shame  
I will grow through this pain  
Lord I'm doing all I can  
To be a better man_

As he arrived to his empty apartment, he turned on the lights. His arms still hurting from all the heavy lifting, he managed to get all his clothes together and put them aside. He had to do the laundry that weekend before it was too late or he'd run out of money to pay for it. He undressed, put on his pajama pants, and went to the kitchen. There was not too much food left, and he had no intention of calling for take out. He could not afford it. He needed the money for books, for clothes. He opened a can of tuna and carefully put it on a plate, added some mayonnaise and sat there slowly eating his dinner while going through the pages of his last English assignment. He wondered how he could make that essay look good without the time to do it properly. He had to take extra shifts at work that week because the rent was due and he did not want to fall behind it. His education was now paying the price… because he was not good enough

_Go easy on my conscience  
'Cos it's not my fault  
I know I've been taught  
To take the blame_

When he finished his food, he carefully washed the plate, dried it and put it back in the old counter. He crossed the place heading for the mattress that served as a bed and collapsed in there, allowing himself his one pleasure in life. He carefully lit the one cigarette he smoked a week, the one thing that he had for him. He took a long smoke and slowly let it combust in his throat. The numbness came almost immediately, that one thing that made things go away for a small moment

_Walk me out of here  
I'm in pain_

His mind went to her one more time: to her smile and her beautiful eyes, wondering if she was happy. His heart clutched at the idea of her loving somebody else, caressing someone else… smiling for someone else.

_I know some have fallen  
On stony ground_

But he knew when he had left, that it was a risk he had to take. He knew that he was leaving her at the mercy of somebody else. Someone would fall for her as much as he did, that would fight for her to being at her side, to love her with everything in him. Day by day, day after day.

He finished his cigarette and carefully put the ashtray away, the tiredness of the day getting into him and his mind slowly drifting away from him while he reassured himself one more time that he was doing the right thing. He was getting there, he was working hard to be good enough for her.

_As my soul heals the shame  
I will grow through this pain  
Lord I'm doin' all I can  
To be a better man_

And then he was asleep, traveling to the one place where he was still with her. The place where he was already a better man.

Loving her.


	3. Love after love

Fic Title: El amor después del amor/ Love after love

Author: Lena

Email: 

Rated: R

Background: Sequel to Better Man. Last part of the Aftermath Trilogy

Disclaimer: I still don't own a single thing related to OTH. Seriously, I don't. I have a new plant, if that counts for anything. I don't own the song "El amor después del amor" by Fito Páez either, although I believe is perfect for this fic.

Thanks to my beloved beta, Raven.

**El amor despues del amor**

The streets of Tree Hill welcomed the sunset like every single day as she walked by, heading home. She smiled at the feeling of the soft wind caressing her cheek. Her mind and heart imagining that it was _him_ caressing her. From the distance, from wherever it was that he was now.

Suddenly, the memory of him struck her again, as it did from time to time: his going away all those years ago, his silence, his non-existent attempts to contact her.

He had left, and he had never come back. Never.

A tear went down on Haley's cheek… silently, sadly, heart broken. She had tried to move on, to meet someone else.

No one could compare to him. To the image of him she held so closely to her heart, the one that was her companion in lonely nights.

She recalled his imagine every time she sang a song for her music students. She remembered the first time she sang for him in the Café, his smile, his tenderness.

Him.

At the beginning, she could not understand his decision. She was mad, sad, heart broken and she thought that he was running away from her. That he did not love her anymore. That he had lied that rainy morning… lied to her.

She had hated him. She fell apart in tears for days and days, hating him for leaving her, missing every single touch of his fingers on her skin. Every single mark on his body. Every single smirk he used to greet her with.

The anger and bitterness were a poison to her soul, paralyzing her. Until one day she woke up and saw her life passing by as she'd become a bystander of it. That was not her, it had never been.

She rose above her pain and started over, fighting to become what she wanted to be.

It was then when she realized… that he loved her. That his reason to leave had been honest and thoughtful. That he was trying, in his own way, to make things better.

She cried one more time, regretting all that time hating him, falling for him all over again.

_El amor después del amor, tal vez,_

_se parezca a este rayo de sol_

_y ahora que busqué_

_y ahora que encontrré_

_el perfume que lleva el dolor_

_en la esencia de las almas_

_en la ausencia del dolor_

_Ahora se que ya no puedo_

_vivir sin tu amor_

_Love after love, perhaps_

_Looks like this sunbeam_

_And now that I looked for_

_And now that I found_

_The scent that the pain carries_

_In the essence of the souls_

_In the absence of pain_

_Now I know that I cannot_

_Live without your love_

Haley sighed as the soft wind caressed her one more time. On those lonely nights, when the summer was meeting the fall, when the weather was chilly but yet not cold, when the wind was soft but there; on those nights she missed him even more. Because she missed his warm arm around her shoulders in a protective gesture.

All her friends have moved on: they have lives, marriages, love, kids, jobs, the whole package.

She had the job and the house, but she hadn't moved on. She couldn't do it… if she did, she'd be leaving him behind.

She didn't want to leave him behind. Not now, not ever.

_Me hice fuerte ahí,_

_donde nunca vi._

_Nadie puede decirme quien soy_

_yo lo se muy bien, te aprendí a querer_

_el perfume que lleva el dolor_

_en la esencia de las almas_

_dice toda religión_

_Para mi que es el amor_

_despues del amor_

_I grew strong there_

_Where I've never seen_

_No one can tell me who I am_

_I know it very well, I learnt to love you_

_The scent that the pain carries_

_In the essence of the souls_

_Says every religion_

_For me that is love_

_After love_

As she embraced the melancholy ache that the night was bringing into her she sighed deeply and moved forward on her walk. It was time to get yet another of her lonely, long walks. The ones where she'd take him with in her thoughts.

She slowly started by the docks, remembering their first tutoring session, then moved forward to the place where they had dinner on their disastrous first date, then her old house, when he first kissed her. A tear went down her cheek. Her first kiss… their first kiss.

Tree Hill High School was an image of the past, a symbol of a life slowly eroded as the blue paint and his number were on the entrance rock. All those years ago they thought that happiness could be possible for them.

Deep inside of her, she still did. She still felt like they could make it. That they would make it.

She slowly passed her fingers through the rock and sighed deeply "I miss you, my love" she admitted aloud.

Haley started to move one more time, to the final spot on that memory lane she was walking. The beach looked peaceful and forceful at the same time. Like they were… like what they had been.

She slowly stood in the spot where she took her vows all those years ago, a tear running down her cheek.

"Where are you, Nathan?" she asked to the wind "Happy anniversary"

"I'm here…" A voice came from behind, the one she'd longed for years now, the one she'd dreamed to hear again. She slowly turned around and she saw him standing there, smiling softly at her.

He slowly walked towards her and Haley witnessed his aged face, the marks around his eyes, signs of hard work. Nonetheless, he was still the same…

His eyes were the same. His smile was the same.

"Happy anniversary" he said hesitantly "I know it took me a while and I know I have no right to ask, but I'm back, Hales. I'm finally the type of person you deserve. The one that would not let you down"

"You've never let me down" she replied softly

"Yes, I did… I know I did. And I needed to change that before coming back to you, Hales. Even if it meant that you were not here to come back to…" he trailed off, not wanting to end that phrase.

Haley put her hands on his, noticing how rough they had become and she took them to her face "I'm here. I've always been here, Nathan. It took me a while, but I understood what you meant that morning. And it made me love you even more…"

"Do you love me still? Because I do love you, Haley" he said

"I love you too, Nathan" she replied, her chocolate brown eyes filling with tears of emotion.

_Nadie puede y nadie debe vivir sin amor_

_Nadie puede y nadie debe vivir sin amor_

_una llave con una llave y esa llave es mi amor_

_una llave con otra llave y esa llave es tu amor._

_No one can and no one should live without love_

_No one can and no one should live without love_

_One key with one key and that key is my love_

_One key with another key and that key is your love_

"Don't cry" he said softly "No more tears" and then he leaned in and kissed her, sealing his promise to love her and cherish her, one more time.


End file.
